


Reason

by moz17



Category: Muse
Genre: Grief/Mourning, Introspection, M/M, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-05
Updated: 2013-11-05
Packaged: 2017-12-31 14:33:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1032805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moz17/pseuds/moz17
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Matt trying to understand grief...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Reason

A week after it had happened, it still felt unreal- something incomprehensible, unbelievable, all the un’s and in’s of everything negative and non-existent.

Dom sat in a café, waiting for his coffee to arrive. They had all returned to Devon last week. The funeral had been yesterday. 

Today Dom simply wanted to get out of the house. It wasn’t that he wanted to get away from people; he wanted to be among people, but just not at home.

As he drank his coffee, disparate thoughts about his family and his future ran through his mind, thoughts about Devon too. He looked out the window and saw a familiar figure sitting in a bench beside a bus stop.

Dom knocked back the rest of his coffee, paid and stepped outside. 

He walked towards Matt slowly, wondering what he was doing here. The bench was positioned underneath an enormous tree and Matt sat there, alone, a small notebook on his lap, a pencil resting across its pages. He was looking into the sky, tapping his fingers on the notebook, clearly deep in thought, oblivious to all around him. 

Dom sat down beside him.

“You going somewhere Matt?” 

Matt started from his reverie, caught off guard by the appearance of another human being. 

“Jesus, Dom. What?” Matt realised where he was sitting. “Ah, no. No, it’s just a good place to sit.”

“What are you writing?” Dom asked.

Matt looked at his notebook, appearing to want to disappear into it or asking it a question. 

“Just…I don’t know.” 

“Are you ok?” Dom asked.

Matt looked surprised. “I’m fine. Why are you asking?” 

“It just that, I haven’t really seen you this week. Have you been here every day?” Dom was visibly uncomfortable with asking this.

“Sometimes I have.” Matt said quietly, looking back at the cover of his notebook again.

Dom stretched his legs out in front of him, shoved his hands in his pockets and dipped his chin down towards his chest, hunching his shoulders.

“I don’t want to seem like I’m demanding something from you Matt, or that I’m demanding a certain response from you.” Dom stumbled over the words. “But I do need, at this time, I need someone I can rely on. And you haven’t been the easiest person to find this week.” 

“I know Dom. I understand. But, I’m not Chris.”

Dom smiled, knowing what Matt meant. 

“Chris,” Matt continued, “is good at this. He’s the family man. He’s good at looking after people. Used to it. Me? I’m not so good at that. And I didn’t want to hurt you or make things worse by doing something crass or idiotic.” Matt gripped his notebook. “I had to find my own way of helping. And the only thing I could think of offering you, was a reason.” 

“A reason?”

“A reason for what happened.” 

“Is that what you’ve been doing? Sitting here, trying to work out a reason for why my dad died?” Dom asked incredulously. 

Matt nodded. “But I can’t find an answer, Dom. If I could just find an answer, I could give it to you and maybe it would be ok…” he trailed off.

“Well, what reasons did you come up with and reject? Since you haven’t found the right answer yet?”Dom suddenly felt angry, angry that Matt had reduced his dad’d death to some kind of riddle to be solved. “Good reasons? That somehow his dying saved someone’s life? Did he die to save the world? Give the band good coverage at the gig? Or how about the bad reasons? Did he die to make the world a better place by leaving it? Did his dying prevent him from doing something horrible?”

Matt had gone pale and he clutched his notebook even tighter. 

“Do you think that a reason would make my mum feel better?”

“I’m sorry.” Matt whispered.

Dom sighed and looked at Matt. ”I’m sorry. For saying that. I know what you were trying to do. It’s ok.”

They were silent for a few moments. 

“There is no reason. It just happened.” Dom said, “But I can understand, why you’d want to try and find a reason. There is no reason.” Dom repeated, as if confirming something for himself.

“The only thing I’ve been able to take from it is- the importance of family and friends. It makes you reassess and rethink areas of your life. And I think my dad would be happy with that.” Dom tilted his head back, towards the sky.

“And that’s all I can give myself at the moment. It’s all I can give you at the moment.” 

Dom turned and looked at Matt. It was an unflinching gaze, inescapable but soft and calm at the same time. Matt met and held this gaze.

After a minute or so, Dom looked away. They both got up and turned towards home, knowing something had changed, that something was promised for the future.


End file.
